Mike² Inc.

MikeCo Customer Care Line

This one came about while trying to call AT&T wireless–

Here is how the MikeCo “Customer Care” line will work.

If a customer has a “problem” with one of our services/products, they can call the “Customer Care” line. They will be greeted by a chipper, high-pitched female voice listing our options:

1- Report problems with the BASTARD (leads to an infinite loop of
menus(ILM))
2- Report problems with your Hood Scoop (ILM)
3- Report problems with your midget security guard (ILM)
4- Report problems with your Hot Swappable Liver (ILM, also recommends that the customer stop consuming alcohol and dial 911 if this is an emergency, also sends notification to Giggety Inc. personnel to begin clearing out and relocate Giggety HQ.)
5- Report problems with your Infinite Loop of Menus (leads to an ILM)
6- If you are dis-satisfied with your MikeCo customer service experience we offer two options:

1- We will send a MikeCo employee to your residence so that you can punch him/her in the face. This is a free service offered by MikeCo. (the job of being punched in the face will be shared by all employees and will be rotated every week along with the duty cell phone)
2- Gold subscribers get the option to detonate a small nuclear device somewhere in the Sahara Dessert. (While this will not accomplish anything it will make customers feel better)

Of course, anytime someone is on hold they will need to hear something. We will have the same chipper, high-pitched female voice raving about the great qualities of all MikeCo products…..then the sound of her being run down by a speeding freight train.